The dreaded results day...

I had to wait a long 3 weeks before I got my results. Although I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do to change the marks I was going to get, the fact that I wouldn’t just be getting my exam results but the overall classification of my degree was enough to make it quite terrifying.

Steve went up to uni to get his results the day before I was due to get mine. Annoying, as he finished his exams a week before me so he shouldn’t be allowed to get his results before me too! :P

I said to Steve that I would cover for him on the St John duty he was meant to be on. As the uni fairly often has ‘hiccups’ when it comes to technology and internet stuff, I spent the morning obsessively checking my student record page using the internet on my phone in case they slipped up and released the marks early.

I’d checked at least 20 times, but still no joy. Getting slightly bored, I decided to scroll down the page a bit further and look at my AS- and A-level results. There, casually hanging out underneath results that I’d long since stopped caring about, was my degree classification...

Arghhhh, there it isssss!

 It was actually a bit of an anti-climax, as I was pretty sure beforehand that I was going to get a 2:1. If I’d got a 2:2 (which was possible, given that I thought I’d completely messed up at least 2 of my exams) I would have been disappointed, and if I’d got a 1st (highly unlikely, but I was clinging to a vain hope that something would magically pull my marks up) I would have been over the moon, but I got what I expected, so my reaction as basically this: “... meh.”

By the time I got home uni had emailed round (obviously realising that some people were clever and had found out their degree results already, which the department hadn’t intended to happen) saying they were going to release all the rest of the results a day early. Somehow the thought of getting results for my exams made me more nervous than getting my final degree result haha.

However, as is always the way when you’ve been waiting for something, getting my exam and project results didn’t go according to plan – the student record system crashed and I couldn’t log on. Argh!

Later on that evening though, I did finally manage to get my results. Here’s the damage:

• Marine Vertebrate Conservation exam (the one I thought I’d done really well in): 71% 
• Animal Life-History Diversity and Conservation exam (the one I was sure I’d completely messed up): 68%
• Africa Field Course exam: 64% 
• Wildlife Forensics exam: 55% 
• Research project: 70% 

I find it quite funny (and very reflective of my mental state!) that my exam results got progressively worse with each exam I did. Slightly ashamed of the 55% one, as that’s the lowest mark I’ve ever got for a uni exam, but the rest were ok. I was chuffed to bits that I got a 1st for my project (albeit on the borderline of the 1st/2:1 boundary!), because I put an awful lot of work into it and would have been so gutted if I didn’t do very well.

Overall, I got 68% for my degree, so I missed a 1st by 2%. So annoying, as I only just missed it and I now blend in with the masses (some of whom may have only got 61%, yet we still have the same degree class...), but hopefully my other transferrable skills (such as first aid/St John) will make me stand out from the crowd when it comes to applying for jobs.

Speaking of which, I now feel like it’s time to start in earnest with the job application process. I don’t really want to apply for jobs, as I still don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life, and all the things I like the look of are all unpaid voluntary positions, which as cool as the positions may be aren’t going to pay for me to live :(. I also want the chance to enjoy my last summer of proper freedom where I feel like I can get away with only doing what I want – after this summer I’ll always feel obliged to be working, and that any gaps of unemployment in my CV will look really suspicious and reflect badly on me :\. That being said I’ve just applied for a part-time job at Hobbycraft haha (getting to play with craft stuff all day and getting staff discount, what’s not to love? :P), so that will get me a bit of money while I work out what I really want to do as my career.

So, the end of uni was not the triumphant and amazing experience I was expecting it to be, but I definitely feel happier now than I have done in a long time, now that the weight of assignments and exams is off my shoulders. But now the pressure of job hunting and The Rest of My Life is beginning to bear down on me and I’m beginning to feel ever so slightly terrified again...

The Final Countdown

At the time of posting, there are...

69 days...


or 1656 hours...

or 99405 minutes...

until time is up in my last ever exam and I have finally finished uni.

University, you are not going to break me. You've thrown a lot of shit at me over the past 2 and a half years, and I've got through it, so no matter how hard you try I'm not going to let you defeat me at the last hurdle. You've given me an assessed presentation, a research project and four exams to do in that time, and it's going to be bloody tough to get it all done (let alone do it all well), but I'm not going to give in now, not when I've already come so far.

These are going to be the longest 69 days of my life...

Five Things Fridays: Five reasons why I won't be sad to finish uni

(as expected, I found it quite difficult deciding which five things were going to make the list :P)

1. I won't miss having to clean up after other people who should be cleaning up after themselves.
Every place I've lived while I've been at uni, I've ended up cleaning up after people who are old enough and capable enough of cleaning up after themselves. Dirty dishes left for days, food left to fester in the fridge until it goes beyond the point of rotten, rubbish strewn all over the place when the bin is a metre or two away, pubes all over the bath/shower, toilets that never get cleaned (even when there's pee on them *vom*), mildew all over the walls, bits of food left in the kitchen sink... all little tiny things that don't take long to sort out if you've got half an ounce of common sense, yet people don't do them. Why?! Laziness? Never having to take responsibility for looking after themselves until they came to uni so they don't know how to do it  or even register that it needs to be done? Not caring about decency towards other people living in the house? I really don't know, probably a combination of all those factors and more.

2. I won't miss the work
I feel like I put a lot of effort into the work on my course, yet no matter how hard I try my marks get progressively worse. Needless to say this has left me feeling really disheartened about work, and lacking motivation to do it. Although my marks have been picking up this term, so fingers crossed this gives me the motivation I need to get to the end of the year!

3. I won't miss the "banter"
"Banter", for those not surrounded by arrogant 20-something men, is basically bullying and verbal abuse that is then excused under the explanation that it's "banter" and only meant to be light-hearted. Call me dull and boring if you want, but I can't stand it and I think it's just miserable idiots finding an excuse to be pricks and get amusement from making other people unhappy. I've been the victim to a lot of this and it's really hurt me - at times when I've needed support from people and have just got insults it stings especially hard. A website called UniLad was recently shut down after it posted an article saying something along the lines of "rape is just banter". Urgh.

4. I won't miss feeling like I need to drink until I pass out in order to be accepted
Well, that's a slight overexaggeration, but it literally took me two years to get people to understand that I don't like getting drunk for personal reasons, as well as the fact that I really don't see the appeal of going out once a week to spend a load of money, make a tit out of myself, wreck my liver and feel atrocious the next day. I've seen the horrible effects of what drink can do to people, and I'm not saying that every student is going to end up an alcoholic, but by doing duties at our student's union on party nights I've seen and treated so many people who are incapable of retaining any sense of dignity because they've drunk far too much. I'd rather not be that person, and I can't wait to find people that accept that and let me be.


5. I won't miss the ever-increasing student debt
I'm so glad I've done uni now and am not going to be starting next year when the £9,000 fees are brought in. I feel so sorry for those who are or have been put off going to uni because of it :(. The £3,500ish that I've paid each year has racked me up enough debt, I would hate for it to be even more. I also hate the feeling of spending money that isn't mine (i.e. getting into debt) so I can't wait to start getting my loan paid off so it's not hanging over my head any more and I know that the money I have is mine to spend without oweing anyone anything.

Five Things Fridays: Five reasons why I'll be sad to finish uni

(and coming next week, five reasons why I won't be sad to finish uni :P)

1. I'll miss having my own space.
In the short term at least, I'll have to move back home. There's no way I can afford to rent a place, pay bills and afford to live at the same time, especially as I'm not planning on getting a job for at least 6 months after graduating. I find it strange when I go back home during the holidays; I really miss having the freedom to get up and go to be when I want, to go out and come home when I want, and to be able to make my space my own. I'm not saying that my mum's super strict - she's actually really relaxed and doesn't mind if I go out places and she doesn't force me to get up/go to sleep (I really hope she wouldn't, I am 21 after all...), but she does start to nag and tell me that I've got so much to do and I could be doing so many other more productive things (e.g. tidying up, cleaning the house or doing uni work) and the nagging starts to grate on my nerves after a while. Plus I feel like I'm getting in the way of her life and disturbing her if I go about doing my own thing.

2. I'll miss living in Cornwall
See point 1 about having to move back home because I won't be able to afford to live, so this rules out staying in Cornwall too :(. The more I think about it the more I realise that I've really liked living here as it's such a beautiful place, but due to spending all of the first and most of the second year of my degree alone and feeling pretty depressed (and consequently spending most of my time indoors because there's only so much you can do alone) I really haven't made the most of my time here. When I've learnt to drive and got a car (which will be this summer if everything goes to plan, about time too!) I'd love to come back and either take a long holiday or get a job down here so I can go out and do all the things I've wanted to do but now won't have time to do (or things that I simply haven't been able to do because lack of a car makes it impossible to get there).

3. I'll miss having people to talk to close by
Apart from one person, I haven't kept in touch with anyone I was friends with at school/college. I drifted away from the people that I was friends with at college at the beginning of our second year there, and to be honest while it was hard at the time and I still feel kind of bitter that they didn't want to keep me as a friend yet stayed friends with each other, I think it was for the best as I've come to realise that most of them aren't very nice people. As I mentioned above, I spent the first half of my degree alone as I had no friends, so I got used to having no one to talk to but it wasn't very good for me. Now I've finally worked to the point where, even though I still don't have people that I go out and socialise etc. with, there are quite a few people that I can have a decent conversation with, so I don't feel completely alone any more. When I finish uni that's going to completely disappear, and I'll be back to square one on the "make a friend" game, which for some reason I seem to find abnormally difficult. It'll be even harder because I won't have a school/college situation to aid me in making friends, and until I get a job I'll be out there in the big wide world by myself and I'll have to work so much harder to find friends. I don't want to get a job for a while after I graduate (I want to enjoy the last decent holiday I'll ever have!) so it's going to be a very long few months...

4. I'll miss not having to get up and do something every day
At the moment I can have quite relaxed days. The past couple of days, for instance, have been spent doing casual bits of work for my research project, catching up with Junior Doctors on iplayer (and cringing at some of the mistakes they make), baking shortbread and rock cakes, and generally being a bit of a slob. While I do work hard (trust me, I usually have 4 modules a term plus SJA so I'm usually constantly on the go), when I do have a bit of time when life isn't so busy I like being able to get up and do my uni work at my own pace, in my own room, and I can get up and do something else or nip into town for half an hour when I need a break. When I get a job that's going to disappear, because my employer will tell me when I need to be there, what hours I need to work and how much I need to get done, I won't have the freedom to choose for myself any more.

5. I'll miss student discount
I think this one is pretty self explanatory ;)